You know when you commit to something, especially if that something is in the realm of being closer to God -all crazy breaks loose? Yeah, that.
***sigh***
Being still has been a huge struggle these last two weeks. I started out going strong. I lit my candle, prayed my prayers, read my Bible. I felt less stressed, enjoyed the calmness in my home, and even read THREE books.
And then week two...
And I realized...
That for the first three weeks of this challenge, Hubs would be traveling.
***sigh***
And as I let the phone creep back into my hand, the computer migrated back down to the living room, and the t.v. came back on...
I felt it all slip away.
And today I was just frustrated. I wanted to be stronger. To not be the one that caved and gave in. But the loneliness and stress of single parenting won. The t.v. was on a lot today. My phone had to be recharged mid-day. And we all know that there was no such thing as a calm and patient mama.
But tonight I realized something. It's not about me. It's not about how strong I am. It's not about how good a mom I am. And it's not about how in-depth of a quiet time I have. It's...not...about...me.
All I'm supposed to be doing is listening. Waiting for that voice, that nudge, that calm presence to guide me through each moment.
So tomorrow I am starting over. The phone goes back to the docking station. The computer goes back upstairs. And I am going....
to just listen.
Don't forget to check out Kendra's updates as well at: Preschoolers and Peace
3 comments:
I totally understand you Megan. How in just a split second, when you don't even notice, these things can happen. And so so easily, especially when the hubs is away. I have been praying for you and will continue. We all slip up, it's the ones that continue on and get back on the horse that show their faithfulness :)
Hoping you're finding some peace today <3
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