On My Identity Crisis

A year ago I went to a blogging conference and it was awesome and horrible all in one. I met amazing women, made some incredible professional connections, and was completely devastated at the same time. Because suddenly something that I loved was becoming a formula: full of statistics and numbers. And that awkward thing of promoting one's self. I came home excited and completely overwhelmed. Because blogging no longer was blogging. It was a business- that had demands.

And I fell into the trap and ended up having an identity crisis. Now don't get me wrong. Some of those "professional" blogs are great. But I just kept missing what blogging use to be. Back in 2007 I was one of those weirdos that was blogging when most people thought we were just really weird. And maybe we were/are. But it was so pure then. That's what the appeal was wasn't it? A peak into every day lives. Seeing yourself in someone else. Gaining new ideas. Challenged in my faith.

So over the last year I have tried to find my "niche" as I was told to find at this conference. And guess what? I couldn't find it! And then this week I read this:

http://allume.com/2013/03/when-you-struggle-to-find-your-niche/

...and suddenly I remembered who I was and why I blogged in the first place. Just a normal girl who wanted somewhere to say something and along the way maybe someone might get a chuckle or learn something.

Because she is right. My favorite bloggers break all the rules. The ones that have a ton of followers and comments aren't in a niche. They are just themselves, in the every day. And that's who I am too (without all the followers tho, ha!).

And now that my little crisis is over I can move on and just be me. Writing what's on my mind instead of trying to write to fit into one little box.

Clean Sink

One unknown to getting a new kitchen sink is that I want to keep it clean. The kitchen is already so much brighter (and the lighting isn't even in yet!) that I have been getting the sink cleaned out first thing in the morning. Before being preggo I would do it after dinner, but when your hubby can't get home until 7pm and your exhausted, well, those dishes sit overnight and before I didn't even care. Now I wake up and it drives me crazy unless I get it done right away.

It's been helping me focus my morning back with the Lord first thing too. I light a candle, turn on Selah's hymn album, and get to cleaning. There's something about singing those old hymns with a modern twist that seems to calm and quiet my soul.

I just finished my cup of tea and peanut butter toast so that means it is time to get the dishwasher running.

BTW: I did a poll on facebook about a double or single basin sink. Not one person said a single basin sink was a good idea. But when we were at the store I made a very hasty decision and went with the single basin. Got to love a husband that will give into a pregnant woman's whims on an unchangeable expensive decision.

The verdict...... SINGLE BASIN IS AMAZING! I will never go back to double. I love having only one drain to clean, I can wash all the big pots and cookie sheets very easily. It is seriously awesome.

The Backseat

So pretty much everything took a backseat to my pregnancy since September. It's hard to write that. Knowing that I pretty much failed at everything. From basics like laundry and clean bathrooms, to hot meals for hubby, and being a parent. I don't have guilt about it anymore. I let it go. It truly was survival that most people don't understand. My friend LINDSAY and I joke that besides Kate Middleton no one actually understands what severe nausea and vomiting is like. But thankfully the intensity of that is mostly gone. I am down to one Zofran a day and have now reached the three week mark since throwing up. Praise the Lord! I no longer feel like I am drowning. But now I have a whole other issue I am working through.

Dealing with every single thing that was thrown into the backseat.

I know that eventually all the laundry will get done and put away, I am cooking vegetarians meals so that at least there is food on the table, and we are even getting a kitchen renovation finished.

But the thing that I feel like I can't get back are all the moments with my kids. There were days I couldn't lift my head up or I would throw up and Avery was making lunches and helping Ellie go to the bathroom.

Another thing thrown to the backseat was school. We did the basics. Not all these elaborate awesomely fun lessons I had planned through the summer. But instead workbook pages. The antithesis of the "school" I want my kids to be a part of. And during that I lost Reece a little bit. For months I couldn't figure it out. He wasn't interested in learning to read. He loved doing math, but fought me on his lessons. But then he would turn around and make these elaborate engineering projects on his own.

It wasn't until one day a couple of weeks ago that I was looking on Pinterest- trying to find the right faucet- that I noticed a homeschool pin about gifted kids. I clicked on it out of curiosity and was FLOORED! Reece had all but two of the gifted qualities.

And then it dawned on me. The Backseat. If I hadn't been forced to throw my whole life into the backseat during the fall I would have caught it. I have a DEGREE in EDUCATION. I took GRADUATE courses on the GIFTED CHILD. And I missed ALL OF THE SIGNS.

So I did the first thing I could think of- spent money. Ha! I ordered new math curriculum and reorganized his workbox cart. But the biggest thing is just seeing him through different eyes. And what a difference it has made. Now I listen in amazement when he tells me about all of these designs he is creating. I watch him completely fascinated. Like there's this whole other little man before me and I finally have a glimpse into him as a person.

There are still a few things in the backseat that need to be moved up and dealt with, but for this moment I am enjoying my little man. I am so thankful for him. He has no idea how much I love him and how happy it makes me to have a son.