Life-Giving Words

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19: 14

I haven't realized the effects that living in "limbo" has caused on me internally until the last couple of weeks. This rental house (although a HUGE blessing) is falling apart and I never realized how the stress I feel over that has effected even how I am being a mom. I was getting to the point where I would lie in bed at night so stressed that I felt like at any moment my body was going to go into a panic attack. I have never had these problems before. I also noticed how short I was with Avery. I have felt like I was doing a good job in terms of my words and tone with her. But when I started realizing how on edge I've been and how short I have been in my patience towards her; I cringed! I read my Power of a Positive Mom devotional today and it has been another eye opener. My other eye opener was last week, but I'll get into that later.

So one of the verses is Proverbs 18:4 "A person's words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook..." I have not had too many words of life-giving water lately. Can you imagine LIFE-GIVING! Those two words are so powerful. I forgot how the littlest things I say, the tone I use, the shortness, and lack of patience can effect my daughter. She's been clinging to me lately, really insecure. And I think this is why. I've been so frustrated with her not listening or doing what I THINK she should be doing. Then it dawned on me. She just needed ME! She needed me to put Reece on the floor and just play with HER! Oh, the tears are flowing again. I want my daughter to have patience and confidence in herself because that's what I showed her. Not that there isn't room for correction. But, I have been severely lacking gentleness lately. I want to be an encourager, wise, gentle, and life-giving. One of my favorite passages in the bible is Proverbs 31. I don't think I could ever get tired of studying it. "When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instruction." Proverbs 31:26 So this week I am praying for life-giving words and that not just my words, but my heart and thoughts please my Lord.

My first wake up call was when I stumbled on Adrienne's blog regarding her son, Noah. She has used her words and her heart to tell the story of her baby son and her words are so pleasing to the Lord. Noah became very sick at 2 months and after tests and a five months hospital stay, he lost his life. Adrienne gives all glory, through her pain, to God. Her candid words, beautiful pictures, and honest heart ripped me apart last week. I can't begin to tell her story, but she wrote on her blog (noahsteven.blogspot.com) that she is writing a book about their journey with Noah.

It got me thinking about the lack of my impact I have in my little world.

I've been too isolated, which to some degree is always a factor in a cross-country move, but still. I don't want to get to heaven and have Jesus ask me why I didn't do more. He is giving me all I need, more than I deserve, and a lot of what I want. I just don't want to leave this life and have no legacy. Whether it's my words, my actions, my heart: What should I be doing for Jesus? I can't be shy anymore. I can't be stressed out. I can't feel ill-equipped. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart..."